Bullying, Suicide, and Murder -- Update, Update II, Update III

As is so often the case, this post started out as a response to a post by Andrew Sullivan. He's worried about an anti-gay backlash, which is not unreasonable -- history is a series of reactions.

I do not believe we will ever live in a world without homophobia, nor do I believe it will ever be as easy to be a gay kid as a straight kid, even in the most liberal of societies and cultures, if only because the desire to be like everyone else, to belong, is strong in everyone, but especially among the young. And few adults are as cruel as children. One of the core anti-liberal arguments in Virtually Normal is that politics can and should establish certain basic formal rights, that laws can and do have an effect on social attitudes, but in the end,

politics cannot do the work of life. Even culture cannot do the work of life. Only life can do the work of life.

Politics solves none of the deepest issues of the human condition, which is why I continue to see myself as a classical conservative (with intermittent bursts, in the tradition of Burke, of moral passion about manifest injustice). Politics, in my view, is a necessary evil. As gay people in this time and place, we have to deal with it because we are denied basic rights most others take for granted, and have always taken for granted (like the right to marry).

He comes close in this passage. I don't agree that politics is a necessary evil. For those at all familiar with studies of our closest relatives, it seems that politics is a basic social mechanism, that, as the band gets larger and turns into a country becomes an institutionalized mechanism that, at its best, works to keep the society functioning. What Sullivan's really talking about here is the legal structures that are the end result of politics, and in one regard he's perfectly correct: the law can't make things perfect. But it provides in clear form the boundaries of what is acceptable. We have laws against discrimination on the basis of race, and there are still racists -- they're just very quiet about it because it is now socially unacceptable to express it openly (or was until January, 2009). Being non-Christian, I can, unlike Sullivan, believe that people are basically good. They just need to be taught the limits. It's called "growing up."

In the case of gay kids and bullying, which is, after all, what this post is about, I find a concept from my last post on banned books relevant: one of the ideas that those on the so-called "Christian," anti-gay right try to ban is that same-sex attraction is perfectly normal. That strand started with this post on the attempt to scrub the book Revolutionary Voices, created by gay teens for gay teens, from the Burlington Country, NJ, library system. That's just one of too many examples of how the anti-gay right tries to brush us under the carpet. Take Sullivan's reference to the pope:

I think of this Pope's phrase "intrinsically disordered" toward "an objective moral evil" to describe his fellow humans, something one simply cannot imagine Jesus of Nazareth ever saying of anyone.

That's official Church doctrine, at the root of the hierarchy's blatant attempts to influence voters against equal rights for gays which again are too numerous to mention. It's reflected in episodes such as the video of Candy Cushman of Focus on the Family I posted here, in which Cushman maintains that specific causes of bullying need not be addressed, under the camouflage that "all children need to be protected." Yes, they do, but if you don't address specific motivations, you might as well just not say anything. (Update II: On this point, see also this post by Michael Hamar at Bilerico on the privileged place of (certain forms of) religion and how religious bigotry contributes to the whole problem.)

And when we have a rash of suicides such as have been reported recently, the first response of the right is to blame the kids. The one that seems to be getting the most attention is Tyler Clementi, and eighteen-year-old student at Rutgers whose roommate live-streamed him having sex with another man.



Joe Jervis quoted Theodore Beale, also known as "Vox Day" (nudge, nudge -- get it? A little bit of an ego problem there?) from this disgusting little screed:

The body count of the gay rights movement grows by one. Despite literal decades of preaching about the morality of homosexuality, despite the pansexual propaganda of the public and private schools, the knowledge that what he was doing was shameful and wrong still managed to penetrate Mr. [Tyler] Clementi's mind. A normal man being forced to confront his immorality in such a public way might have reacted with anger, irritation, embarrassment, or amusement, but only one who is both psychologically disturbed and appalled by his own actions will destroy himself over it. [Snip]

"So it was not a juvenile prank that killed the unfortunate Mr. Clementi even though it served as the proximate trigger for his lethal actions. If anyone other than Mr. Clementi should be blamed for his suicide, it is those who repeatedly encouraged him to behave in a way that would fill him with such guilt, remorse, and shame.

See, it's all the fault of gay people demanding to be treated as human beings. (Sorry, but Beale ranks in my book as human garbage, no ifs, ands or buts.)

And FoF jumps into the fray by blaming GSLEN.

Truth Wins Out I think hits the nail on the head:

Through their annual “Day of Truth” campaign and TrueTolerance.org web site, Focus on the Family and the “ex-gay” group Exodus International actively and continuously obstruct anti-bullying programs in schools across the country. Instead of opposing violence, both organizations remain dedicated to pretending the problem of anti-gay bullying does not exist, or downplaying the deadly results.

“The goal of Exodus International and Focus on the Family is to purge LGBT people from society, although they disingenuously frame the issue as eliminating homosexuality, which is not possible,” said Truth Wins Out’s Executive Director Wayne Besen. “When you target homosexuality, the result is persecution and punishment of LGBT people, and in many cases it leads to gay bashing or suicides. The anti-gay industry should dismantle these despicable programs and work towards creating solutions instead of suicides.”

Some on the right are backing off -- or dodging, I guess, would be more accurate. As Jeremy Hooper reports, Maggie Gallagher has expressed her grief over Clementi's suicide, while trying to cover her ass as a major anti-gay player. I don't doubt that her sympathy is sincere, just as I don't doubt that she's suffering a major disconnect between her anti-gay campaign and its consequences. As Hooper notes:

But here's the thing: It doesn't matter what Maggie personally thinks about what will or will not resolve tragedies like the ones we've seen this week. It doesn't matter how heartfelt her personal condolences may be. What matters is the body of her professional work with NOM and elsewhere, and the fallout that we gay folk all-too-well know can stem from these "culture war" activities! Because it is this bias cultivation that changes the molecules in the air. It's this anti-civil rights work that puts heterosexism into everyone's psyches. It's this fear-fostering that foments a world where LGBT people are viewed as different, wrong, or in some extreme cases -- unworthy of life.

(Interestingly enough, Tony Perkins has been strangely silent on this issue -- he hasn't even attacked the victims. He must be in the hospital.)

Evan Hurst at Truth Wins Out notes that this issue does cross partisan lines. This quote from Dan Blatt pins it down:

The students who posted the video did not mean to push this young man to take his own life. They probably didn’t even consider the consequences. They were entirely indifferent to his feelings.

"Entirely indifferent" -- because it's OK to be indifferent to gay people's feelings. (Like Hurst, I've had my differences with Blatt, but this is something we can agree on.)

And Jim Burroway brings it full circle, in this post:

But of course, we know the problem exists precisely because the specific problem isn’t being addressed in schools. The problem exists because school administrators turn a blind eye to gay kids being bullied. It exists because very public people give a green light to bullying. And it exists because people create an atmosphere — administrators, teachers, parents, preachers, and ex-gay program vice-presidents — only speak of gay people as problems to be dealt with, struggles to be cured, “choices” to be condemned, and any notion of positive futures to be denied.

I think it is time to turn the question to a declarative: Opposition to anti-bullying programs and suicide prevention equals murder.

And finally, some pushback. First, Ellen DeGeneres:



Some resources:

Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project -- videos from survivors.
The Trevor Project has a hot line and live chat.
GLSEN Resource Page -- provides access to local chapters.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Hotline, English and Spanish.

If you know of other resources, local or national, please leave links or phone numbers in the comments. I'm going to try to set up a page in the sidebar for this, so by all means, contribute.

Update: just ran across this at LiveJournal, where I've reposted it to my own page 

Originally posted by neo_prodigy at Spirit Day 


It’s been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes at at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and schools.

RIP Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh (top)
RIP Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase (middle)
RIP Asher Brown and Billy Lucas. (bottom)

REBLOG to spread a message of love, unity and peace.

Update III:  From Towleroad, a round-up of coverage and commentary.