Teenage Sex, European Style

This, by Rachel Phelps, is one of the most illuminating things I've seen recently.

In contrast with many Americans, the Dutch view teen sexuality as being "right." The Dutch use the phrase "being ready" to talk about how their teens will know they are prepared to have sex. They spend less time and effort trying to prevent young people from becoming sexually active, and more on educating them to be responsible when they do.

Some interesting statistics included. In both the U.S. and Europe, teens become sexually active at age 17, on the average. Our incidence of teen pregnancy is three to six times higher than theirs. Germany's incidence of HIV infection is six times lower than ours. And there's one key factor that makes a difference.

The Dutch see love as common, ordinary, and something teens as well as adults can expect to experience. Their corresponding expectation is that sex only occurs within a loving, committed relationship. Here is the Dutch government's public health campaign: "Step 1: You fall in love. Step 2: She feels the same. Step 3: You kiss. Step 4: You use a condom." There are probably a few steps between 3 and 4, but you get the idea. Research shows that 74 percent of Dutch teens are in a committed relationship with their sexual partner and 80 percent enjoyed their first sexual experience.

The attitude in Europe is infinitely more commonsensical and, ultimately, caring than what we find here:

Another difference across the pond is the role that parents play. In the United States, sex is generally kept secret from parents. In a 2004 study, Schalet asked parents: "Would you permit your son or daughter to spend the night with a girlfriend or boyfriend in his or her room at home?" Not surprisingly, nine out of 10 American parents said, no, often adding, "Not under my roof!"

Contrast those findings with this French television ad. A pharmacist dad watches a boy buy five condoms and then lets his daughter go out with him. We see him take a deep breath (it's true, this is not easy!), and then advise his daughter to "make sure to wrap up well." The message is that you want your daughter dating the boy who prepares well by carrying condoms.

The big difference seems to be a sort of basic honesty: sex is normal, sex is fun (or should be), teenagers are learning about love and sex and their parents are there to help them, and being responsible about it is a given. It would be nice to see that attitude here.

Via Sullivan. And click through on the link above to see the whole thing -- it's a slide show with text, condom ads, and commercials. It's a real eye-opener on how different -- and how sane -- European attitudes are.