Thoughts on Tyler Clementi

For some reason, Tyler Clementi's death seems to be resonating much more than those of the other kids who've killed themselves because of bullying. I'm not sure why -- perhaps it's the information age/social networking aspect. Whatever the cause, it's been the focus of a lot of the commentary.

I just ran across this post from Gareth Higgins that is worth reading. It's also about the only commentary I've read that even comes close to identifying the dynamics of that particular tragedy:

I’m sorry, Tyler. I wish I’d known you. I’m sorry that I have been part of the reason you were humiliated. I am sorry that I have been so divided within myself that even though I know what it’s like to experience sexual humiliation, I held onto my own homophobia because it felt safer and more known. I owe something to you. I owe it to you to be honest about myself, to stop dehumanizing others, and to do everything I can to make sure that your place in history is simple and clear: that you would be the last.

I don't think, however, that Higgins really nails it. I've been thinking about this one off and on ever since I posted by own reaction to the criticism of Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project, and I've finally realized what I think is a major contributing factor, not only to Clementi's reaction to his romantic interlude being live-streamed on the Internet, but to the resonance it holds for so many of us: paranoia.

I'm not saying that Tyler Clementi was pathological. I'm saying that in a culture that demands that gays keep their affections secret, in which the consequences of coming out can be literally life-threatening, think about the ramifications of realizing that there is no place where you are safe. Not even in your own room.

That's what the culture that Higgins describes has created.

In Clementi's case, it seems to have been not only that realization, but also, from all appearances, there was no place he could go, and no one he could talk to. That's a really bad combination.