"Joy and pleasure are as real as pain and sorrow and one must learn what they have to teach. . . ." -- Sean Russell, from Gatherer of Clouds

"If you're not having fun, you're not doing it right." -- Helyn D. Goldenberg

"I love you and I'm not afraid." -- Evanescence, "My Last Breath"

“If I hear ‘not allowed’ much oftener,” said Sam, “I’m going to get angry.” -- J.R.R. Tolkien, from Lord of the Rings

Friday, March 23, 2007

Cue Light Bulb

Dale Carpenter at Volokh:

What I think this suggests is that for many gay couples the struggle for marriage is not only, or even primarily, a struggle for particular legal benefits. It is a struggle for equal dignity, recognition, legitimacy, and respect under the law. That is something only full marriage can provide because it is a relationship that families, friends, co-workers, and employers readily understand. Marriage has a history and cultural meaning unrivaled by any other status. Academics who have hailed alternative statuses -- civil unions, domestic partnerships, registered partnerships, etc. -- as offering couples a "menu" of choices fail to appreciate that, to lots of gay couples, the only choice that really matters is marriage. To them, everything else on the menu is "bread crumbs." Or to use another metaphor I heard not long ago, civil unions are like a song with all the lyrics but none of the music.

Look at that first sentence. This is what comes of letting the Christianists and HRC frame the discourse. It has always been about equal dignity, recognition, legitimacy and respect. I wrote on this very thing two years ago, and a year before that It's not about the tax breaks. It never has been. The problem is that we only believe things in this country that we can quanitfy, and in this case, tax breaks and financial considerations are the only quantifiable parts. That's why the Massachusetts decision was so important: it recognized the significance of the word "marriage" in terms of its social status and recognition.

Gad! I don't believe we have to keep saying this.

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